weakness=strength?

Really? Let me explain… I was reading in my devotional time tonight in 2 Corinthians when Paul was talking about what and what not to boast about. Here is the verse that really stuck out to me:“9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12 You see, I’m one of those people that likes to “have it all together”. For the most part, I do, on the outside. I try to be the strong one that anyone can come to, the one that works hard and everyone can count on. There is this one little thing though that always seems to catch up with me. My face. well my face is always with me :), but seriously the pain that I go through daily living I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The other day, I was talking with my parents, my life has been in a crazy state for the last few months. I’ve been digging deep to find these roots that seem to have gotten rotten along the way. In my search i’ve found that I’m great with masks. Yes, masks. I tend to put them on so that people don’t really see me. I’ve been working on being real with people. You know, this is who I am and this is what you get. like it or leave it. Some like it others do leave it. So, back to what I was saying… talking with my parents. There is in me a lack of confidence, i know, i know, I come across as very confident, but deep inside I’m still trying to figure out who I am and I’m not always sure. So, here I am laying it all out and you may be curious as to why or what that verse has to do with anything. Well, my mom asked me the other day where that lack of confidence and lack of self-esteem came from. The only place that I felt I could pin-point it to is when I got sick with a sinus infection, ended up having surgery to fix it, and now 7 years later i still live in daily pain. There is something in my life that I can’t fix, I can’t make it better. I’ve been to numerous doctors and it won’t go away. This brings me back to Paul. He had a thorn in his side that he repeatedly asked God to remove, but he didn’t. Guess what the other question that my mom asked me was? “Natalie, what if you’ll always be sick like this?” oh as in this could be the thorn in my side Lord? You mean that I could have to live with this forever and get used to it and continue to live with a reminder of how weak I am? I guess it is a great way to keep someone humble. I’m not perfect, I never will be, and I might be sick for the rest of my life. Frankly, I’m really tired of spending money trying to get better, when maybe, just maybe, are you listening Casey Treat? It might be a part of God’s plan for my life to be sick like this for as long as I live. “When I am weak, then I am strong” That is what it says, then that is where i’ll find my joy. Goodbye acupuncture, goodbye ENT, goodbye neurologist, goodbye allergist I’m done trying to fix something that is there for my own good. 

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One thought on “weakness=strength?

  1. Natalie,
    im super excited that you are delving deep and digging up roots, it takes much courage! Thorn in the side is not really fun, but, it keeps us humble and reminds us where we came from and who we are now. Stay strong sister, and, you can always come to NU 🙂

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